I’ve totally forgotten that I had this blog, let alone that I’ve written so much in it. I probably wouldn’t have found it back if I wasn’t trying to create yet another blog, always trying over and over again to stand up and create, and failing miserably to stick at it. But that’s a story for another time.
So, fast forward seven years since the last update, and here I am. What happened since then you’d wonder…Well I got the job. As impossible as it looked, right at the last moment, I got an offer from one of the major manufacturers in Japan for a job in a newly set department where I had to use all my skills and evolve both professionally and personally. It was the dream job! I got to visit places I would have never been to otherwise. I have even been to South Africa!! And I got to improve my Japanese in the process, so much so that I got my N1 (Highest level of Japanese proficiency test, yeay!!!)
But it’s all in the past now, because guess what? The curse of the ring caught up to me. It was all so subtle though. or maybe not so much, I just was too incredulous to admit it.
Now I am the happy wife of a loving, successful husband; the happy mother of two wonderful boys; the happy friend to my kid’s friends’ moms. And I no longer know who I am if I stop being annexed to those roles. If I fail at one or all of these roles, will I still be me? Would I still be worthy of love?
There is no well I could disappear into. See, when you have little lives depending on you, even a loo break is a luxury, let alone disappearing into a well hahahaha.
Am I bit depressed? probably. Do I feel justified in my feelings of inadequacy and anger? I rather feel guilt. For not being enough of a mom, a wife and a housewive. I feel shame, guilt and anger towards my weak self for feeling this way and even more for not being able to keep it to myself.
So the ring so far is a telling story. And the worst part is that I don’t even have the luxury (or courage) to act on it.
If you ever read this, whoever you are, maybe I’ll get to write an update in the future. I have hope there could be a better ending to the story.
So Japonaise!! 